day 30

not much to report on today...i was highly dissapointed in my brother. so much for his talk of being an adult...

heh. still no word from you...ah well, u might as well not even exist anymore...i sometimes wonder if it's the same for girls. if a guy wants to be with you, he'll do whatever it takes to make it happen...i wonder if...i mean if u did still love me..if u expect me to...but i know..i can't know. and i did try...but i know. it's pointless...

even if my head understands, it's hard for my heart to. it's hard to try and be someone who's confident and cheerfu, even if she isn't loved. even if it makes sense. because i know...of course, that's the kind of person i'd want to be around too.

i'm curious as to what's in those unicef packets exactly. it's an ingenious idea.

at least the weather was decent today. it was only kinda cold, instead of freezing. and i was kinda weirded out by the fact that i was basically allowed to sleep in..i know mom was trying to be considerate..but it seems kinda pointless to tell me that she was leaving early, so i guess she meant that he'd be back before i woke up so i could sleep in...didn't really help that i had to tell my brothers to go back to bed twice...so i didn't Really sleep in...haa...

looks like sushi will take a while to make..but i'm excited nonetheless. i wonder when i should try and make it...and i hope it turns out well. :) i really do. a lot of my cooking turns out well..but i've had my fair share of disasters too...heh. i wanted to make onigiri too...but we're out of salmon..and well, i don't have any rice seasonings anyways. can't believe i forgot the sesame seeds...heh but it's not worth the trouble of asking mom to go to the store just for that.

so much stuff planned for this semester...cooking and dates and trips and loli-dress making and securing a job and finding a place to stay and school..oh yeah and of course school work.

on a side note, i'm looking forward to going with everyone. but i think it'd be sweet to go to that formal dance. no matter how much of a tomboy i pretend i am, sometimes i can't ignore the little girl in me. the one who dreams of a world of cinderella or romeo and juliet. dressing up in something gorgeous, and finding a handsome someone to spend the night falling in love with...ii naa...lol.

4 days..just 4...dekiru yo ne...