"I've been housing all this doubt...and insecurities..."

And to start with something unrelated, chocolate does wonders for the spirit... :)

Waking up this morning was awful- physically, mentally, emotionally...

But I think little by little I'm beginning to feel better. Just seeing you, reminded me not to give up hope. Because you're there taking care of me. So for now, it's okay if I can't be strong on my own.

And before I forget, thank you. For just being there.

So much has happened just in the past 24 hours...

Losing a friend...when I shouldn't have.

Talking with an old one...when I shouldn't have.

I've always thought that I chose to stay away from people who no longer wanted me around for their sakes. I thought, it's okay if I feel hurt inside, it's okay to sacrifice my desire not to loose anyone if it's better for that person.

But for the first time, I feel like I'm "freeing myself up for something better."

And for the first time...I feel like everything's pointing me in the direction of love. It's an unusual, yet nostalgically cheerful feeling.

Losing what's precious to me, relationships, potentially wonderful memories, and even faith in what should be good. And knowing...accepting that some relationships will never go back to what they used to be. And that it's probably better this way. But also...somehow finding something new that is just differently as wonderful as what I lost.

I can still create wonderful memories, right? Even as I keep losing precious things...

I'm still allowed to find happiness, right? Even if it's just for a little while...