Because I like fire, damnit.

There's no other reason. Anyways, so I kinda came up with a different analogy for love (or getting too close to ppl in general). Not saying that it hasn't been stated before...but i haven't written in a while, and it just popped into my head (and because i'm too lazy to work on my personal story or do hw :P).

So. Fire. You don't get close enough, and you have no chance of staying warm. But you get too close, and you get burned. Like the hedgehog dilemma, you just gotta find that right distance. But the thing with the fire is, you gotta tend to it too. Put your time and energy into keeping the fire alive. Even if you get burned in the end.

Well, that was my cheesy, blatantly obvious analogy.

So I did one thing I didn't expect of myself. So...well...I guess I don't know What to expect.

And she still won't talk to me...even though I didn't do it...again all it does is question who my real friends are...if even the title "real friends" really matters in the end...

And that kinda ties into the analogy above. It's like quote goes (because I can't seem to really be inventive enough to come up with my own ideas) tho i can't quite remember it exactly...but something like:

"It was like I couldn't be close to more than one person at a time..."

Whenever I gain a relationship with someone new...an old one fades away.

When an old one fades away...it's not long until I have someone beside me.

And it's not like I plan these things.

I always believe that when someone discards me, it's my fault.

Or like a fault in me that I can't even fix...even tho I've been told it's not just me that experiences this...

So maybe this is God's way of taking care of me...

I want to jump in with you. But I've jumped way too many times...and only ended up losing what was special to me.

Even now...I know an end is coming. I even know when...

For as much as I can remember, I've always been willing, even happily, to sacrifice anything of my own for the happiness of someone else, especially if I care about that person.

I want to give it to you. Because you definitely deserve it. And whether I like it or not...I want to care about you.

For so long, I've been trying to get my head to win over my heart. Now that it is has...

I'm standing at the edge. And I'm scared to jump this time. I'm so so scared...

It's not because I'm still in love... (who knows anymore anyways...)

It's not because I don't trust you...

It's not because I feel I lack the ability to love someone properly..

It's not even because I believe that we weren't meant to be...

It's because those memories of loneliness...of making someone precious only to lose them...of being left behind...it's all still..

so very real....

but who knows...maybe love will take me by surprise...

maybe all i can do..is not give up hope...even if i end up crying...

surely i can do it. as long as i have a "you" beside me...

right?