Ashes, ashes, we all fall down...

I'm so anxious...so many distracting thoughts..i can't even begin to get motivated on hw...

my room seems to have such a dark aura in it...but i guess i always come back...

"I hold onto the night, you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me

Were you just kidding?
'cause it seems to me, this thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened, please tell me?

'cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always"

Despite the fact that we'd rather that the perfect love story is what falling in love is really like...I think, deep down, we like the other love stories more...the ones with a sad ending, a pitiful ending, or painful ending...

Because maybe that's what we're used to more. Exactly how many love stories are perfect? Do those even make us feel anything real at all?

A year ago, I might have believed in happily ever after. But now, I don't think so anymore. I'd have a hard time believing someone who said "I'm in love with you." If someone said "we'll be together forever." If someone said "i'll never leave you." If someone said "i'll never hurt you." And anything of the sort...

I used to scoff at why people would be so torn after getting broken up with. I didn't see what the big deal was. Because it happens more often than not, right? But it really does..change you.

Maybe tonight I'll do something wrong. On purpose...of course it scares me, but nothing else has been able to make me feel any sort of anything real...and then I ask...what do i live for? Is the rest of my life just going to be like this? I want to live. Even if I get hurt.