Even though I'll probably be late for class...

I felt like I wanted to write another post. And omg yes..this has now become a regular thing for two days in a row. Alert the press. :P

Anyways...apparently just thinking about you a little has made a huge effect on my subconscious. For I dreamed about you last night. Sadly, I cannot say it was a happy one, as they often aren't.

But what I remember is there was two aircraft fighters...or something.. One was shooting at the other. We were both on the ground, wondering where they had come from and hoping we wouldn't get hit. But either you didn't hide very well, or just had terrible luck.

I heard you scream before I saw the gory hole in your back.

As the aircraft fighter came in for another round, I threw myself over you to protect you, despite the fact that we were both in a panic over your wound. That would be the last time I did, for as the aircraft fighters continued to shoot at us, I cowered more than anything.

I managed to pull you away, and got you into a house where we met this woman. She washed your wounds and dressed them. And I stood there, glad you would be all right.

But upon writing this, I realized a few things.

Maybe I'm still in love.

In a perfect dream, I would've washed your wound myself.

In a perfect dream, I would've continued to protect you.

Maybe that, rather than my bad luck, is why love has been unable to find me. Because I'm that much of a coward...

On the other note, I know it's too much to ask of life to bring you back to me. I know it might not work out, even if it did. And somehow, it would be like my life was coming to a close. But I also know that I could be perfectly happy settling down with someone very sweet who loves me.

Even if I carry this sadness and these memories, even if a glimmer of my love for catches me off guard every now and then.

Maybe I just want to be happy with that someone very sweet after all.

But maybe it's not longer a question of whether it's possible. It can't all be because of my bad luck, right?

Maybe it's because I'm afraid to get hit to get hurt to protect someone I love.

Maybe it's because of me.

Maybe love has been searching for me the whole time but Can't find me.