Warm...

I realize I actually love the taste of healthy food. Like tangerines.

I also like the warm affect of alcohol...even if it Is more fun drinking with friends.

Today has been awfully weird. Ever since last night. It's like I've stumbled back all of a sudden..and I'm not quite sure where to step next.

What I remember most is that my friends told me I'd regret not taking the chance...but oh...I regret taking it now...

やっぱり、I should've taken my time with the gift I was making for you...because after thinking I was almost done, when I went back to fix it, with the particular materials I was using, I simply couldn't.

Thoughts began to bubble up inside, and tears began fall before I even realized I had grabbed the scissors. I cut and tore through what I had been so happy to work on just hours before, so eager to finish...wanting to give it to you so badly.

In that one instant I remember the line from the movie.

"I looked for the smallest star. The one far away from the rest. Still doing it's best to shine. Still asking, "Don't forget about me."

"Don't forget about me..."

Why am I trying so hard...I remember trying so hard to tear the gift apart...and yet, some parts I had crafted so well, they refused to give way to the blade. I only grew more frustrated. If I had tried so hard to craft this gift to become beautiful so that it would reflect my feelings...indeed- it still did.

My fingers trembled and I had been crying so hard, I my hands suddenly, felt heavy and dropped your gift. I was clouded with my own frustration, I hadn't even heard the quiet voice inside me plead.

"stop! Please... stop...don't destroy it!"

The gift was done in a race against time. I had lost. I had given up before time was up.

And then back into my bed and did what I do too often: crawl under the covers, shut my eyes continue to cry until falling asleep.

But I didn't sleep. I only continued to cry. And when it was time for class, I rolled out of bed, my head spinning.

All I could feel was how cold I was, down to my very toes.

"Enough. It's okay...God is asking me to work harder. It's not the right time. So it's fine...." I wanted to say.

And all I wanted to do was take a break. Lie out in the sun, listen to music. Maybe someone nice would take my hand. Take me to the place I so badly want to go...where I could breathe in fresh air....

Where he would wrap his arms around me...

Where he would keep me warm....