One for you...

...since I haven't in a while. And you definitely deserve it. And because I know I talk about him too much. And because I'm sorry for that.

I know you understand. Because it still hurts for you to think about it too, right?

It's not the first time I've thought about it. But especially tonight, when we were holding hands, I really liked it. I felt really really happy. I know we're not in love, but I almost felt like, if you weren't going to China and I wasn't trying to go Japan, maybe this relationship wouldn't have to end.

Some day, I'm sure you'll find a girl just for you. Someone who spends her time playing video games and role-playing. Who would become excited when she learns you like MST3K...and Lewis Black, because she would too. Someone you'd be so in love with that when you look at her, you'd wish you could be with her forever.

And some day, if I'm lucky I can find someone like that again too.

But for now, even if it's not love, I feel really lucky that I can at least feel like you care about me and where I'm happy to be by your side. For some reason, tonight, the physicality of being to able to hold your hand was something I felt I'd treasure while it last. And something I'll never forget.

I know I'm still awkward when it comes to expressing and receiving affection. I become sad and lonely often. My uncertainties seem to show more and more...and I cry too easily. And I know that sometimes you forget or get distracted. I myself, am full of those faults too. But when you try your best, it really moves me, even if I still think you're naive. But being imperfect, growing and learning...finding our own answers to what it means to love someone...because of you, I've been able to change these answers.

I've been told I've become much happier than I was when I was. Even now, it's strange to think think that if I'm in love with him..yet I become sad when I think about him...and neither is true about you...then maybe love for me, really has been re-defined.

Because even when I'm down, I always manage to smile. Because you're there. And I can't say thank you enough...

We're lucky enough to have found each other. Ｗe're no longer lonely, because we're cheering each other on and making fun memories that prove we can become happy no matter what painful experiences we've had. So let's continue to do our best! ^_^