Sunday, February 7, 2010

The winter here's cold...and bitter...

I wish talking to you didn't often end like this. With you disappearing. And me being reminded that you didn't care. Each time doesn't hurt any less. And each time, I feel like a fool. I must really be a fool...to cry each time. Like I'm hearing you for the first time...and still find a way to hope again soon after...I'm such a simple, pathetic person. Being so happy at every little praise or attention you throw my way.

"I feel just like I'm sinking...as I claw for solid ground..." No matter how much I cry and pray for you to come save me there's no answer.

So it's a lie to say I believe you. After all, I know it's no good. But I guess that's a good thing. After all, you're really not the person you used to be. The person I see in my mind. The person I seem doomed to love until I die..as punishment for hurting you.

I feel like I'm always apologizing to someone...and I guess my problem isn't someone loving me. But I wonder if I'll never be able to really love someone again. But maybe that's part of my punishment too.

"...I know I can love you much better than this..."

If I'm not alone...why do I feel so lonely...?

But I know...

"It's better this way..."

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