I try to think about why a person might fall in love with me. Sure, there are a lot of little normal things that make me who I am. That with my physical body makes me different than someone else. Even twins are never exactly the same.
But maybe there isn't anything special or unique about me after all.
Apparently there's some special technique or a light that goes off in our head when our "survival of the fittest" button is triggered. But mine seems to have never gone off.
No matter what our relationship is like now, if I ever cared about a person...
Yappari, if we were in a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean, and there was only one life-jacket, I would give it away.
If that person came to me, needing my help, I just can't turn them away.
I guess God forgot to put the lightbulb in my head that's connected to "survival of the fittest."
But if there is really is such a trick to discarding people when you sense the smallest bit of unsatisfaction or danger. A way to make me think that people are really indespensible. Then pray, tell, me how. Because I'm quite tired of this...
Perhaps it would even work with love. Maybe there is a way after all, to fall in love without getting hurt or hurting that person. Fooling yourself into caring, when you really...don't. Being able to run away without feeling any kind of guilt whatsoever.
Can it be done? Can you be in love with someone...hell, can you Love someone and really just drop them like a piece of broken technology?
It would explain why it's been done to me...wouldn't it...
Go self-preservation. Something I've never been able to do.
"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut. And my weakness is, that I care too much. And our scars remind us, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, Just to feel."
Sunday, October 18, 2009
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