I don't know

I hate feeling like I can't do anything for my friends.

I hate not being loved by the one person I care about the most anymore.

I hate calling out ofr help and not being heard. And I hate being scared to call out in the first place.

I hate all these feelings inside...But most of all, I hate the emptiness.

It's not that I'm not grateful for what you have done. I am happy to have lived a life where
you were there. And I'm happy for everything you've given me.

If I do die...I wish that I could become a guardian angel. So that I can be all that I never was in this life. So I can do more than I ever could in this life, for those who I love.

So I can protect you. And be by your side.

Forever.

I just dont know...

"Maybe if we both lived in a different world..."

All I want to say. All I cannot.

All I want to feel. And all I cannot.

In this world, the decision is not for me to decide.

I can't believe this is happening...

Before yesterday, it was only a thought in my head. And now it's become true.

I believe...that you could come to love anyone you like.

I just hope this doesn't become a deadly game.

Still, I'll always be praying for your happiness...

Hmm...

I duno..I want to do it..but somehow I just don't know what's holding me back...

If you can't go back, but don't want to go forward what's left? :/

In any case, I'm sleepy and can't study anymore. Time to for bed :)

I feel like it should rain...

or something...again I dreamed about you. I wish these feelings would let me go...so much.

"The music from our childhood
faintly echoes in the background
The memories I hopeless try to remember

The faint scent of tears
on my rain soaked cheeks
That warm look
on your face
I miss it so much..."

Tired.

Not looking forward to a weekend without you. But still hoping for unexpected fun-ness.

I know I should shower and go to bed..I feel so tired...but I probably won't for a while...

I'm trying not to think of the dreams last night...so full of awful feelings... :(

Don't know if I'm ready for this...

I'd really like to start something new. Stupid heart.

Even if I want it, I still believe it's immoral to change a person's heart using such tricks.

And counseling appointments feel like such a waste of time...*sigh*

I'm looking at a weekend of work and probably loneliness.

Who knows though? Maybe it'll work out and something unexpectedly fun will happen...