Day 15 I guess

I hate dreams are that are so emotional that I wake up far more tired than when I went to bed. Not so much fun.

I dreamed that you confessed you liked another girl, chuu-chan. I was stunned. Then depressed. Then angry. Then hurt. Or maybe all of those at once. Tho it's silly 'cause...well, I've been in that situation with you before, and well...will probably have to face it again in the near-future. The first thing I thought when I woke up was that I was glad it was just a dream and that I was probably in love with you after all.

But I also remember now why I was never sure.

Then is it just that I'm so easily jealous? Am I just the jealous type?

"The same things that brought us together will eventually tear us apart." That line still comes back. You and I really really want to be loved. So we'd probably take anyone who's decent in all aspects. I don't know what to do.

I miss you. I really wish I could've done something wonderful for your birthday.

god only knows what day it is...i'll figure it out later.

so tired right now from the emotional stress lately and lack of sleepy i'm dizzy...

i wrote some lyrics lately. then just comes the hard part- a melody and an instrumental.
i might suck 'cause i can't sound as good as other people.
but at least then, these will be my own. and i dont have to try so hard to sound like someone i can't.

i was trying to think how i can get more hits. that's the only feedback i've gotten on my singing videos. it'll be a lot of effort...and time i dont really have.

speaking of which, work on sunday? you've got to be kidding me....but i should've figured as much.

today i crashed the car. and probably the only way we could've seen each other this summer. for that i'm sorry beyond words, chuu-chan.

i guess i've really given up on you. i get it now. i really do. i'd be fine if i never heard from you again d-kun.

Day 10. i guess

not much to say. i've been failing lately at the whole blogging thing. been too tired..

i didn't fall asleep at work today. but it was still long. hopefully it can be bearable enough. today was okay.

romantic movies are cute. it surprises me which ones i expect to be just plain silly, that even they turn out to offer an interesting, surprising thought.

d-kun was on fb today. that means he had to have checked his email. and he still hasn't responded. i guess he really just doesn't care. i wont' pretend like my heart didn't leap to see him on, if even just a little bit.

chuu-chan, i hope we can always be close. if there's you, then i feel like things might be okay after all. sometimes i really do hope u had fallen in love. or could. but that's a lot to wish for. and even then i can't be sure it'd make me happy.

but even just being this close, well...i don't feel so alone. sometimes...like i could move on.